Binny Satin's and Cigar Internationale's

Tijuana, Mexico – December 18, 1999

Written by Scott McGee

When you get a motley crew like this together, you’re bound to have some interesting things happen. I think I’m safe in saying everyone had a good time.

In this photo, we’re all sitting down for a latte, espresso, Pepsi or Diet Coke in front of one of Tijuana's finest tobacconists – La Casa Del Tabaco. We spent all afternoon sitting there, and everyone had a wonderful time.

The folks at La Casa Del Tabaco were kind enough to let take over their storefront. The characters we encountered that afternoon were something to remember!

Not only were the people memorable, but so were the comments as Binny, Tommy, Michael, and I lit up our Puros Indios Chiefs! Bob, unfortunately (or maybe fortunately!) didn't have a Chief to herf that afternoon, since his presence was a last minute addition to a business trip.

The comments just kept coming as we worked to herf these large vitolas. Binny is about to split a gut here laughing – I asked him if that was his smoke, or if he was just glad to see me. (Now you see what I meant about the comments! There were several comments from some American women indicating they could accommodate some thing or another…. I really don’t remember. I can’t imagine what they were talking about!)

The trip was put together by Mr. Binny Satin.

Michael came through and saved the day with a cutter that fit about 60 of the 68 ring gauge into it. In the photo at right, Tommy is inspecting the cut after his 2^nd or 3^rd attempt. Eventually, Mike’s cutter bit enough to open up the stick for a bit of draw.

For all of its majesty and splendor, the Chief ended up being a stick that didn’t quite live up to the reputation of the Puros Indios line. We all had burn problems, and runners up to several inches in length. Plus, for the first 8 inches or so, you really don’t get much tobacco flavor, and you do a LOT of work trying to draw the smoke through all 18 inches of tobacco.

In the beginning, the aroma of the sticks was wonderful, but as the afternoon wore on, the stench emitted by these monster cigars became increasingly objectionable – even to one of our herfin’ buds! (Bob was heard to grumble as all of crammed into a Tijuana taxi – including my Chief. And with half a leg in the taxi, the stupid driver takes off with me half in and half out of the taxi, screaming my head off... But I'm getting ahead of the story!)

All the while we herffed, we were visited by all sorts of characters. Tommy and Michael kept us all laughing by their haggling and harassment of the locals.

Michael and Tommy were making good progress on their sticks. Check out the ash that Tommy had goin’!

Tons of folks asked us where we got these monster cigars, and too bad for the folks at Casa del Tabaco that they didn't have any, because they would have surely sold a dozen or more.

Finally, the ash had to fall. It was about 3 ½ inches long at this point! An ash that long looks pretty strange sitting in the ashtray. Binny guessed there was enough tobacco in one of these Chiefs to make about 8 normal cigars.

Somewhere along the way, this guy walks up and looks at the four of us working on our cigars. He comments to his wife, "Look at those all day suckers!" We spent the rest of the trip debating whether he meant the cigars or us!

So we’re all just sitting there, herffing away, minding our own business when up comes this dude. He walks up to the table, and without saying a word, grabs Bob’s extinguished cigar nub from the ashtray, sticks it in his mouth, and says, "Take-a my peek-ture, take-a my peek-ture!" So I say to him, "Fine, but I ain’t payin’ you nothin’!" He keeps on saying we should take his picture, so I snap a quick one off. And sure enough – he starts asking for a dollar!

Go figure! I guess it was one of those nothing-ventured/nothing-gained propositions for him…

We’re all getting a little tired by now – we’ve been at this now for like two and a half hours. All the fun and notoriety of having these HUGE cigars lit has passed. We smoked ‘em down far enough that they are just fat cigars now, which isn’t nearly as interesting as looooooong cigars that are fat…

After something like two and a half hours, Michael officially declares that he has "conquered the Chief" and lays his Puros Indios to rest. The thing has been reduced from 18 inches down to about 4 ½ or 5 inches. For this story to really impart what it was like to be there, you’ve got to know some about how Michael herfs. Michael’s a bit of a "chewer". And the Chief is really a cigar you have to WORK at. I mean, a guy’s gotta do a whole lot of puffing and sucking to draw any smoke out of one of these things – especially at the beginning when there’s 18 inches of tobacco to overcome! So Michael’s been working this thing and working it. The cap fell off about 45 minutes in to the smoke. Picture this cigar in your mind: By the time Michael is done, the stub end of this cigar is a mass of slobber-swollen leaf (not to mention a soured nasty dog-rocket.)

And then up walks this dude and snatches the 5-inch butt of Michael’s Chief. He runs about 10 feet away, and tries to torch it up. That’s what’s going on in the photo.

We were about to leave anyway, so I grabbed the remains Binny’s stick, which he barely smoked at all. We all go running up the street and we finally catch this guy. Sure enough, he’s herfin’ away on Michael’s reject.

You should have seen his eyes light up when I showed him the remains of Binny’s Chief! We didn't know it at the time, but Binny had rejected his Chief as too plugged to smoke.

In this picture, you can see me with the remains of my Chief hanging from my hand, trying to get Binny's reject going for the guy. He was about half drunk, and he kept on saying, "Light it, light it!!!" Well, I’ve got a 2,500 degree torch goin’ on this thing, and he’s not getting any smoke.

Finally, we told the guy he could work at it or throw it away or whatever he wanted, but we thought if he liked that 5 inch slobber-stub, that he would be pretty delighted with this smoke.

Finally, we left the guy. As we walked away, I snapped this last picture of him trying to smoke this huge plugged cigar. I’m laughing right now remembering this whole incident…

Our "unofficial hosts" for the afternoon were most gracious, and extended up a 10 percent discount on the Habanos we all purchased. They also gifted us Habanos boxes to house the singles we all purchased, as well as giving the whole group a round of soft drinks gratis.

One can only speculate about why a shop would pull their stock when Habanos is in town. You don’t suppose that anybody would have FAKE CUBAN CIGARS in their humidors?? You don’t suppose any of these fine retailers would be concerned about losing their Habanos franchise relationship? Naw! Couldn't be. But all the same, we all felt good buying Cubans from La Casa Del Tabaco, since they were the only ones that had all their stock still on the shelves during the Habanos event. By the way, they are located at Avenida Revolucion #115 in Tijuana. Any taxi driver can take you there...

Just look at the stock of cigars they had! I don't know how many boxes of cigars they had, but it was clear that they had 'em, and as many as you could ever afford to buy! I just couldn't resist taking this photo. I remember thinking to myself, "Some day, some day, THIS is what my humidor will look like!

However, not all of the cigars we saw in Tijuana were authentic Habanos!

This little cigar "shop" was the proverbial hole in thee wall. (Look at it! It really is a hole cut into a wall!) And it was stocked to the gunnels with fakes.

We eyed a box of Cohiba Esplenditos carefully. The bands weren't too far off, but the cigars were of widely varying colors, and the lengths were all slightly different – sure fire signs of fake Cuban cigars. On top of that, Tommy says he saw cigar beetles crawling all over the place inside of the case. (Thank goodness he had those cigar-munching beetles contained!)

In the picture, we returned for a second look. Tommy took this opportunity to hassle and harass the guy. I think the guy asked Tommy if he wanted to look at some cigars and Tommy said, "Yes". So the guy proceeds to point out some sticks, saying what a good price he has. Tommy replies by asking him if he has a baked potato!

"A baked potato?!" he says. "Where would I find a baked potato??!?" Tommy replies, "I dunno know, but when you do, take dat baked potato and run it trew da gawden!!" (Don't worry. Tommy doesn't know what it means, either!)

Not to worry, though. Fake Cuban cigars aren't the only deception you'll find in Tijuana.

While there certainly were a number of less-than-authentic items to be found in Tijuana, Tommy and I were both pleased to return home with this little gem. The glass broke on the way home, but that's fine, since we both plan on having the poster removed from the banged up frame and matted and put into a new frame. Since this sign has two sides, there are two Habanos posters in it, so it worked out just great – one for each of us!

We had fun haggling for this one. The guy said it wasn't for sale, but any savvy tourist to Mexico knows that everything is for sale! It took up about 30 minutes, with them trying to get us to make them an offer, and us trying to get them to tell us what they'd sell it for before they finally agreed to sell it for \\$hold_dollar20. As it was, I only had left in cash, so after listening to 10 minutes of whining about the guy "needing his coffee" I walked out with this sign.

The trip ended in an equally exciting manner, with some slight "delays" at the border. While the "delay" hurt like hell, it turned out better than it could have. Tommy and I eventually made it back to Phoenix by about midnight on Sunday night. Quite a long drive, considering we left the hotel at about 11 a.m.!

Everything said, it was a wonderful trip. The Camino Real hotel was first class all the way. It could have competed with any of the nicer hotels in the US. The afternoon prior to the dinner that was the "official" event is what you've seen documented here, which was clearly the highlight of the trip, for me anyway. It was a blast and tons of fun. The worst thing about the whole trip is that it had to eventually come to an end.

Now that this document is prepared, I'll have to give more thought to that guy meant by all day suckers...